Diluted

My thoughts of you have faded away

And the embers have now come to cold

The rain will wash you away from behind my eyes

With the wind sweeping you away

Let the winter frost freeze you over

And the summer heat melt you away.

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Leave

Put these words to rest, as they don’t even matter now

Hidden from the eyes of all, yet you continue on

Put it to rest like all of your dreams, settle down and know, you failed it all.

Leave it all behind, they all disgust your eyes

Let it all go, just let it all go.

Spectacle of Fire – Poem / Lyrics

Left in the fire, let to burn

Knowing that I will not survive

It’s engulfed my spirit and soul

And turning it all to ash

Did you even care for me

Knowing all I had to give

Instead you betrayed me once again

And let me melt into the earth

JUST LET ME FUCKING FADE, DECAMP, JUST FUCKING DIE OUT

YOUR FUCKING WORDS A LIE, DERANGED, JUST FUCKING DEPRAVED

Cry – Poem

I crawl back to my cold, dark place, in attempt to avoid the feeling

The ache I know that still exists, and my heart cannot be healed

Tears fall on the inside of my shell, as the exterior is broken beyond repair

I’ll cry out forever, as this has been my sentence

My cry for help will only be a noise, noise to an earless world.

Drag me from my burrow by my shackles, drag me to the end.

Poem – Turn

The turn is coming, I can feel it just beyond

The chambers have opened, the horrors unleashed

What’s to come, I can’t explain

Hold on tight, or you’ll lose the game

Now now, you’ve been here before, just sit up tall and get a grip

Poem – Charred Book of Hope

The book has always been within your grasp, but you’ve denied it all this time

Through erroneous ways and unthought mistakes, the end shall always be the same

But based on luck from in the cosmos and across time and space, things have worked out true for you, wrecked child thought of thee

All that’s left to do now is turn the pages of the book, be it charred from the destruction around you, it will always exist to be

Hope is in your grasp though your mind remains a labyrinth, you’ll suffer this your whole life but no the book will truly remain.

Poem – Break Away 

Am I stuck to live this way, bound and tied with no escape 

The cure for my impairment, nothing but a boulder covered tomb 

The aid I received for my cry of help now only causes me pain, the land of lethargy seems to like to hold me at bay 

Breaking the rules will lead to escape, but at what cost is what I ask 

I vow to never hurt like I’ve hurt the loved before, but the damage I caused can and will never be erased 

I need to break away from this, the thought, or the help, this I don’t know 

Blog – My Thoughts On God

I generally choose not to talk about things that are controversial or that may cause arguments; but sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, you know?  So, here we are then, stepping into the ‘uncomfortable’. 

As a child I was raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, branching from Christianity; so having the general beliefs in God and Jesus but along with the bigger differences including the date of Jesus’s birth and how he died. Along with the more commonly known aspects like not celebrating birthdays and pagan holidays, not associating themselves with “the world” and the most controversial of all; the refusal of blood transfusions. 

From as young as I can possibly remember until the age of 16; this was my life. I lived and breathed this lifestyle. I didn’t know any different. Attending meetings, going out knocking on doors (to the annoyance of everyone I’m sure) and living wholesomely. It was tough; being the subject of ridicule on many occasions due to the belief I had, not being able to enjoy what it’s like being a kid like all the others, but having such restrictions. But it was a life I lived, mainly due to the fact that I was scared to step outside of it. 

But came the age of 15 and I began to see the holes in the bible stories, the lies behind the truths, the questions which were answered solely on faith alone and no evidential proof, and the two faced acts belonging to the people we are suppose to rely on like the Elders. So after months of internal struggles I made the choice to leave. 

This was horrendous because of a couple of reasons. One being because it was tough seeing how my family had to treat me because this happened. And I know that they only acted the way the only knew how, but I still have some pretty hectic flashbacks of the painful moments and heartbreaking words that were said to me. And the other reason, because it was a life I only knew, it was like I was reborn but into a world that I had no idea about. I was living in a world that made no sense to me because I was living in a guarded world. And then the stresses of “is the world going to end, have I made the wrong decision”. It’s been 7 years since I left and I still have these tormenting thoughts. 

Anyway, that is my background when it comes to religion. I have a pretty good idea of it, and The first few years after I left I became obsessed about finding the real answers to my questions and also surprising myself by finding things that have casted a bad light on the Jehovah’s Witnesses and other religions alike. 

So I’m 23 now and how do I feel? 

Fallacies. The whole lot of it. I was stripped of a childhood thanks to a fairytale. I don’t blame my family as they were all fooled. God is not existing. And trust me, I wish he was real just as much as the next, but he’s not. There is no God. The bible is the greatest work of fiction and poetry that there is, but it’s killed millions, those who buy into it. I understand these will be unliked thoughts; but I’m my mind, they are too correct. 

You are blinded from the truth with their lies. I wish I could wake the people from their senses but some are just too far gone. This has devolved into a rant like writing now I know; but I just had to get it off my chest. Don’t be blinded please; your wasting your life. I don’t care what religion you believe in; it’s all just lies upon lies upon lies. Have faith in yourself and not a story. 

Blog Update – Moving Forward

Finally there are some positive changes coming my way. After what felt like an eternity battling myself and my surroundings; things are looking up. I’m so tired of dwelling upon the past, I’m more than ready to let it all go now; to move on and keep moving on. To grasp the happiness that’s always been in front of me. 

Not only that, I’m finally getting my things in order, things that I have been running away from for a while now. Getting my finances squared up, looking for more of a positive outlook on things included. Also a move is on the way.


I haven’t done a move out of the blue like this in a few years; but perhaps it’s the breath of fresh air my life urgently needs right now. Leaving a backwards town and being closer to the city and a larger populace. And I’m moving home. Moving back close to my hometown. 


To explain where I live now I’m not giving many positive words to use. Sure it has a couple of nice beaches and other locations, but isn’t really “younger generation-friendly” as it’s so limited. I’m 23 and I don’t need a whole lot to keep me entertained, but for where I am living now, it’s just not enough. And having my daughter and another baby on the way, it’s just not far for them, especially knowing what I grew up around as a kid.

I took everything for granted the first time I lived there, but this time ’round I’m going to be making the most of it; family adventures, getting engrossed in some culture, learn new things; I need a revamp, a complete reconstruction; and this is it. I literally have the change that I want at my fingertips and it’s fast approaching. It gives me an overwhelming sensation on the inside knowing that this is all coming to fruition. 


February 2012 I left the city life and moved to a country town 400kms away. The move was a quickly thought up idea and happened in what felt like a blink of the eye. It did not take me very long to regret this move but we went all in with the idea. It only took 2 years for things to become pear-shaped due to dying industries I lost my job which I have mentioned in old blogs. Then after those two years came a turbulent lifestyle of ups and downs. Some very good things and other very bad things. But we have always just rolled with the punches. 

Now it’s June 2017, 5 years and 4 months later.. and I’m about to move back to where I left, the place I took for granted and should have appreciated more. The longing I’ve had for a place has never been so strong. And I know what I’m returning to will not be the same; to have those expectations is downright ludicrous; but I will make it what I want it to be in my mind, and it will be glorious. Can you tell I am just a little bit excited? 


To know that I can visit theme parks, zoos, the city, quiet towns, busy towns.. anything and everything.. don’t take this for granted, as I have done. I don’t know what the future will bring, but I will be there with both arms ready to grasp anything thats given to me! 

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