I’m finding myself encountering a lot of flashbacks as of late. Flashbacks of pleasantness and horror. But that’s all they’ll ever be, just flashbacks. The past is the past is the past.. right? Sure. A few memories humour me as well as remind me of some cringe moments… the moments that definitely needed a redo button for that current time.
My facade is built out of nothing but my own experiences and knowledge. My mask, created by my own mentality, is my own, whether it be a good fit or not. I wear that mask on a daily basis. To contain myself. There is days I don’t know who I even am. The “gift” of hindsight can go directly to hell.
Trying to understand the crippling thoughts, the meanings, the genesis of it all and thinking of contingencies as a back up. To figure out if I was born into this mental blackness or if I earned it. I was so young to obtain, that’s all I can understand.
I am the crooked. Safeguard yourself, from yourself, from the world. No one else is watching out.