Uncertain Certainty

I’ve had this blogging window open now for about 3 years. 3 years and probably less than 10 blogs have came from it. I don’t know whether I’m disappointed about that or just plain not surprised. 

I tend to get some grand ideas about things and then just not stick to them. I’ve had many goals in the past and sure I’ve achieved quite a few. But there is a lot that remain unchecked. And the saddest part about that, I let it happen. I let them slip away.

I don’t know if it’s because I overwhelm myself with so many of them at a time (sometimes to the point of exhaustion that I don’t give myself goals for years at a time), I don’t know if it’s because they are just plainly unobtainable and then I Don’t know if it’s just me. Just plain old me not giving a shit. I do have that tendency. 

I go through points in my life where I care so much. I care so much about my work, I care so much about aforementioned goals, money, class, integrity.. pretty much all of life’s opportunities.. maybe care a little too much. And then I get to the other side of the pendulum swing.

I feel the decline, the swing down, the mighty rise to the place you don’t want to be; like the ride you can’t get off.

It causes you to just not care. You don’t care about anything, you don’t care to be anything, you don’t care for anyone and you feel the thoughts are similar to you. Why would you care about what people think about you, when firstly you know themselves are just slaves to their ego, and secondly, why do you care when you can’t even care about or for yourself. The damning of it all. 

This ramble is nothing than such, and I’m not feeling the damning now, I just write it because I know we will be reunited soon. Until then.. 

today’s a good day. 

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