I Looked Back Too Much 

Have you ever tried to get something back that is impossible? Have you nearly lost everything because you wanted the past back so badly? Have you ever looked back too much? I did. 

The thing I wanted wasn’t physical, nor can it be brought. It was an emotion, a feeling. One that I can’t quite explain. One that had a feeling of peace to it. One that presented me with feeling care free and making me feel alive and awake. 

But it’s an emotion I haven’t been able to feel for a few years now. And I find myself reflecting on that emotion, every single day. I reflect on what I did during that feeling, I reflected on what I had during those emotions. I reflected too much without looking forward.. I reflected so much I didn’t realise it was my biggest enemy all this time. 

I have things around me now but I am too busy looking to the past that I’m making it near impossible to find that peace and happiness within myself today. But I can’t seem to let go of it, maybe I’m scared of what will happen when I give up on it. 

Maybe I have to just come to the realisation that the old me that had those emotions, is dead and gone.. Is just a page of my life that was flipped ages ago. And I’m so stuck living in the past that the future is passing me by and I’m just wasting my life. 

Some days I don’t even know who I am anymore. What have I made myself out to be to everyone? Why do I feel an emptiness inside of me? What have I lost? 

I’m scared that I don’t know how to find happiness anymore. I’m scared that I’ll never know the feeling of peace again. 

I’ve become very scared.. 

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